Well, during the last few weeks when we’ve been talking about self-righteousness and the practice of the holy instant, Paul has had exactly the same feeling.  I managed to express the ideas in such a compelling way or such an understandable way to him, that he was able to easily bring commitment to listening instead of thinking, to doing the two-step.  And he endeavored to do that all day long and always failed. 

True, there were many periods where  instead of responding himself to whatever occurred, he would check with me and listen for me to respond. 

It was so utterly clear to him, especially when he would review the audio of the meetings.  It was so utterly clear how could one not choose to listen and respond from the joining that provides the perspective of Reality, the perspective where needs are met, where solutions are illuminated and problems are negated.

So in many ways, the last few weeks were distressing.  It illuminated to him just how much he needed to practice what I was teaching and illuminating.  It illustrated to him . . . his spontaneous practice illustrated to him how consistently he got in the way of healing or revelation or illumination and therefore, the correction of problems.

And so, even though he wasn’t engaging in the two-step, he was fooling himself into believing that his definition of reasonableness was correct and therefore, he was justified in being upset and that upset him even more.  His confirmation of the distressing nature of the things that occurred caused him to become obsessive in his perspective and another way of saying that is, obsessive in his self-righteousness.  You see?

And so, his failure to be able to remain with me constantly, remembering to ask, “What is the truth here?” caused the last few weeks to be distressing and then these events occurred and they capped it off.

Last week when I spoke about the crystal ball and each of you, including Paul, being one of the facets on the surface of the ball, and I talked about putting one’s face into the facet and moving through to the interior of the ball, that became interpreted by his distorted perception as being very dangerous.  After all, it makes one very vulnerable.  Why?  Because if you’re down on your hands and knees and you are pushing your face gently through the facet, what in the world is it that’s sticking up in the air?  It’s your ass sitting there just waiting for someone to kick it!  That’s not safe.

The practice of shifting one’s attention to the interior, well, although intellectually he grasped it, he found that to be unnerving.  His mindset was out of kilter.  He became exhausted by the drama and the trauma of his perspective and his obsession with it . . . and because of the obsession, his inability to find it justifiable to shut up and engage in the first part of the two-step.

Nevertheless, he persisted.  He did in spite of the discouragement, in spite of the exhaustion and as this past week proceeded, his perspective became better.  He was able to intellectually see that if he wasn’t in his peace, he would be misinterpreting the events that happened and would try to solve them on the basis of the misinterpretation which would never work

Now I shared with him a couple of days ago, a variation of a thought that I expressed many times, many years ago:  That being, that the only right use of will is not to use it . . . except that a couple days ago, I said it this way:  I said, “The right use of will . . . the only right use of will is to agree with God.”  You see?

Now, why am I sharing this?  I’m sharing it because Paul has experienced not being a success at the Guidance that I’ve shared with all of you.  And of course, that doesn’t fit in with righteousness, does it?  Righteousness is all about being right.  And not only that, it’s about being right and therefore, because of being right, being credible, being valid.  That’s self-righteousness.  That is egotism.  That is to be confused.

Nevertheless, he is still suffering from not being able to consistently engage in the two-step.  And so, his frame of mind is still wearing him down, wearing him out and making him difficult [chuckles] for Susan to live with because his fear dominates his behavior.

It has taken courage for him tonight to be having the Gathering.  And he’s hearing me quite well.  And I am speaking truly to him, for him even though what I am saying is certainly not foreign to anyone else listening.  But tonight he is managing to be joined with me and he is willing to not be perfect.  You see, one might say, and certainly Paul’s ego says, “Well, if you’ve been talking with Jesus for thirty-one years, how come this is happening?  What kind of an example are you?  How do you think this will look to everyone else?” — as though that was important.

And so I’m here to tell him that what everyone else thinks, what any of you might have opinions of about him, are irrelevant – they’re sidetracks to his clarity.  Because the answer will never come as a result of caring about what other people think.  It will only come from caring about, we’ll say, what I think or what the Holy Spirit thinks or Knows.  And caring about that enough to enquire as to what it is.

Now, because there is the idea, the self-righteous idea in Paul’s mind that he had some kind of a position to uphold in everyone’s eyes, he couldn’t possibly share his incapacity of his present inability to cope well with a series of apparently overwhelming things that had occurred.  And so in order to look good and not cause any negative opinions, you put him in a position of severe privacy.

And you know what?  Tonight I’m covering his back and I’m covering his back by sharing his incapacity, sharing his current inability to consistently practice the two-step.  It’s important for him not to be alone as he is learning how to consistently stay at the point of attention to me or to the Holy Spirit, so as to stay right where the clarity can come forth, because he’s not distracted by what doesn’t matter.  You see?  I’m covering his back by sharing this with you.

The suggestion is – the frightening suggestion is that there may not be any way to continue to doing it.  But you know what?  Paul knows better than that.  And he knows that no matter what might change, his commitment to sharing the truth that emancipates everyone from sin, disease and death is more important than anything else and he will not abandon it.

Have I spoken out of turn?  No.  Have I upset or distressed Paul?  No.  He’s relieved to know that he’s not the only one who knows isolation is no fun, independence is no fun.  He knows you are there and it is very meaningful to him.  And I stand with him and with you as each of you involves yourself in the labor of abandoning independence and engaging in the two-step and not being too proud to be Real with each other in the process.

I love you all.  And I look forward to being with you next time.